I was recently talking to a parent, she stated how she felt she was “failing as a parent” and “did something wrong” to cause her child to have Autism.

What continued was a very emotional talk where this parent let out a lot of emotions. She went on to further tell me that she was feeling stressed in her marriage as she and her husband were constantly fighting on how to best raise their child with Autism. In addition, she had not had time to go on a date with her husband or just spend time alone with him since their child received an Autism diagnosis a couple of months prior.
 
As I continued to talk with this parent, I let her know that she was not failing as a parent and did not do anything wrong. Her child was unique and special - as all children are. A diagnosis does not change that.

We came up with some affirmations that she was going to repeat to herself every morning. These affirmations were:
 

• I did not cause my child’s Autism
  
• I did not do anything wrong
  
• I am not failing my child
• I am a good Mom
  
• I am a good Wife

 
I encourage this parent to say these affirmations to herself every morning and if needed throughout her day to provide her with strength, encouragement, grounding, and to help her feel empowered. 
 

• Are you feeling guilt or negative feelings as a parent? 
  
• Do you feel like you are failing your child?

 
If you are feeling any of these feelings, let me be the first to tell you that you are NOT Failing Your Child and you did NOT do anything wrong. Your child simply wants you to love them, believe in them, and take care of them. 
 
If you are feeling any of these feelings, I want you to say these affirmations to yourself everyone morning:

• I did not cause my child’s Autism
• I did not do anything wrong
• I am not failing my child
• I am a good parent
• I am a good spouse

I want you to look in the mirror, smile at yourself, and repeat these affirmations until you believe them.

Your child needs you. They don’t need you to be perfect, they just need you to love and support them.

See you soon!

-Michael Jankowski, MS, OTR/L

Parenting a child with Autism can cause increased feelings of overwhelm and stress:  

• From the meltdowns
• To the sleepless nights
• To the rigid routines your child may have
• To not being able to enjoy family outings due to fear of your child having a meltdown
• To having to constantly fight for your child with insurance companies so they receive the services and benefits they need
• To having to dedicate extra time, money, and resources to your child’s therapy services

At Flow Occupational Therapy we provide education, coaching, and empowerment for parents who recently found out their child has Autism. I wanted to provide you with 3 quick tips to decrease your feelings of overwhelm and stress when parenting a child with Autism.

1. Prioritize Your self-care – Take time for yourself, eat healthily, get the amount of sleep you need, and make time for your friends and social circle. This is extremely important as you need to take care of yourself first so you can take care of your child.
   
   
2. Prioritize your relationship with your spouse/partner – You are on the same team as your spouse/partner when it comes to parenting your child. They can relate to what you are going through as a parent, and provide support. If you are parenting your child with Autism alone, see if you have any close friends or family members that can support you in times of need.
   
   
3. Communicate frequently – Communicate with your partner or a close friend about your concerns, fears, stressors, etc. Make it a habit to discuss with your partner or a close friend your high and low points of the day. By communicating often with someone, it can help to share the stress as well as share some of the tasks which may be difficult for you (household chores, running errands, etc.)

What do you do to decrease your feelings of stress and overwhelm when parenting your child with Autism? Let me know at mike@goflowoccupationaltherapy.com or leave a comment below

See you soon!

-Michael Jankowski, MS, OTR/L